hospital again

The Doctor came yesterday at 530
Dad hasn't gotten rid of his fever since he returned home
Blood test results had come back from the lab.
Dad was dehydrated... his sodium levels were high
as well as his white blood count (your white blood cell count goes up usually when your body is fighting infection.)
The doctor said,
'If you want to save him he'll have to go to the hospital now, tomorrow will be too late"

I felt shocked
Since less than a week ago the doctor had said he'd be fine for another 6 to 9 months

It was extremely difficult for my mother to make the decision.
Either Dad could stay at home and be kept comfortable and we could try to get him through it
or
he could go to the hospital where
they would hook him up to a bunch of stuff
and treat the infection
but not help Dad so much
after looking at me several times like a lost puppy
she said... hospital
and then right away
well, Kevin? Is that the right answer?

I CANT be held responsible for this... my heart raced... really... how can you make a decision about something like that for somebody else...
but then I realized that that was exactly what my mother felt
and all she needed was someone to support her.

Mom, yes. There is NO right or wrong answer. We can only do what we think is best. Daddy can't answer the question so someone has to. That's us. Taking him to the hospital is a great idea.

I rode with him in the ambulance.
The driver was the uncle to a high school friend of mine.
we talked about how our town has changed in the last 30 years
i felt... old

when we arrived at the hospital
they unloaded my father
they had put this sort of.... robe on him with a cowl? Is that what it is called?
he looked like the Emperor from Star Wars
but not the powerful really scary one
the one who
after trying to convert Luke to the dark side in
Return of the Jedi
gets hoisted up over Vader's head
sort of electrocuted within a mixture of Darth's and his own force
and then gets thrown into the dark endless Death Star pit...
That's what dad looked like
and I

Laughed
I couldn't help myself.

and then I cried.

The movies always show these tense sweet scenes where people die with perfect hair and smiles

They don't show all the poop
and pain
the evil unwarm nurses

the tons of techs and emts who ask all the same questions because it's their job.
all the wires and tubes sticking out of a person

all the hours of waiting
(mom and I remained at the hospital until 3AM

Ill write more after I visit him today