october 17th Day 8 Uncle Charlie

I sat in my father's room
for one hour
I was watching him
and he
only noticing me every so often
continually tried to get out of his hospital bed

It looked almost like a buster keaton skit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2K9ZeBe-HA

It would be funny
if it weren't my Dad
weren't happening in our house

Tonight... as he tries to unbed himself (It is... listening to it... almost as noble and impossible of an undertaking as Frodo's journey with the ring) he calls out for his cousin Charlie.

"Charlie!" he keeps yelling. "Charlie!"

His feet constantly looking for a way through the metal guards on the sides of the bed.

"No. I can't... can't do it... oh no... no... HELP... Charlie! CHARLIE!... how do you do this... oh no... this is terrible... oh I just want to choke.... please... pleeeease.... dear god.... Charlie! What? how do I? ... where is he? Who? (bang bang bang his hand rattles the metal guard bang bang bang) can't get up.... I have to go to the bathroom.... can't... I just want to die...."

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Just to clarify
he says, "I have to go to the bathroom." and when we take him there....
he doesn't go
he tries to stand up
he wants to get off the toilet...
I make him stay there for 10 ... 15 minutes...
nothing
So we bring him back to bed... or his chair... and he says...
a half hour later
"I have to go to the bathroom

It is now 7:12 pm
he has been doing this since about 3:45

obviously he doesn't have to go to the bathroom as bad as he says

He wears a diaper
we tried a bed pan...
nothing appeases him
nothing makes him stop

I must sit here and write these words as I SIT HERE AND LISTEN TO HIM

"Hey! (whistles) hey! I have to go to the bathroom..."
over and over....
over and over...
over and over...


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When he actually does go to the bathroom
in his diaper
it is a .... relief
I can clean him
call it sick
but
i love to clean him....
I don't care how smelly
how black and smearing and thick or juicy or horribly splattered or runny and loose it is
if it is on his legs and back and penis
if it is (and has been on occasion) on his hands and face
inside his nails
On the sheets... the mattress cover
the wall
the floor
my arms
my favorite orange Old Navy sweatshirt
I DON'T CARE
I just want to clean it up
when its cleaned he.... stops
he closes his eyes
he sleeps