Day 12 Success!

After
many teaspoons of milk of magnesia
several liters of warm prune juice
another several liters of warm apple juice
constant sessions
on the toilet
hours of stomach massaging (by mom and me while he is ON the toilet)
sprinkles of bran flakes on almost all meals
broccoli
baked beans
dried prunes (or.. is it just prunes... because prunes are dried plums)
and
a LOT of pain... swearing... tears... yearning

Dad has had a successful bowel movement!
It's amazing how something like this
can feel
in this situation
as astounding
as overwhelming
as graduating university
or
climbing Mount Everest

I am serious
after it
I was sitting on the floor...
(its not easy... the lifting and the attention... the previously stated rubbing of the stomach... the listening to him complain and cry... the constant explanation that he is ON the toilet NOW and he can go NOW... the making certain that he doesn't try to get up... you'd be on the floor too)
I began to cry
really cry
tears and everything
for a bowel movement... it's crazy

Right now... as I write... trying to get this done before midnight... Dad talks to himself... he's having a sort of conversation with... someone? ... maybe God?

"What do you want me to do?"
he asks
"Huh?"
"Who wants to do it?"
sigh... sigh... sigh
"YO!"
"I don't know"

I hope there is a whole fantasy world in there
I hope he sees vivd colors and flying lights
I hope even the pain and the fear that seems inherent in his words
are passionately felt
I hope that although in our world he has this disease
that in his world
he truly lives

and I hope that his bowels
remain constant