I am so tired.
I woke up this morning and I found myself alone in the house with my father.
He lay in his be and everything was wet from his urine (adult diapers are far from perfect things0
I cleaned him up and changed him
fed him breakfast
gave him medication and
got him into his chair
the morning glided by smoothly.
Lunch was pretty good as well...
but as the day progressed...
at one point this evening he punched me.
I reacted in a terrible way...
I grabbed his arms and folded them on his chest (I wasn't hurting him physically just not letting him punch me anymore)
but I also yelled
more like screamed
"don't you ever f**ing do that again."
he became very quiet...
stopped trying to hit me...
it felt awful... but actually worked. He calmed down.
Do you think it's wrong?
To use this sort of angry bullishness?
Does the end justify the means?
he hardly slept last night
didn't take any naps today
and now he is in his bed
in the dark
having a discussion
with ... who knows who
I am exhausted
i mean really
I was barely able to make food for myself today
I can't even do little things like walk my dog
or write this blog
without a feeling of...
anxiousness?
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