October 14th Day 5 4 nurses

NJ has a special system to help families
who are in our situation
This "help" consists of
4 (all of which are nurses subbing for other nurses all of which who will not be here next time) nurses
who arrive(all at different times and twice blocking each other in the driveway)
all of which who ask all the same questions
have various (sometimes conflicting) advice to give
and spend very little time with the patient at all.
One of the nurses was so patronizing...
I asked her about getting dad a swallowing test
"Does he aspirate?"
She said this with a sort of clipped diction... like a "i am using a medical word"
I looked at her confused and said
"I don't really know what you mean."
"It's simple. If he is aspirating than he probably can't have a swallow test...."
I thought... NO. What does aspirate mean. I was an actor... and yes, an english teacher... but never in the health field.
so when she left I looked aspirate up


http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/aspirate

I should have told her (and would have if I'd known. "Oh yes, he aspirates every time he says h elp me!

a sort of social worker today told us all we already knew and told us even more ...
while she told us more I was trying to tell her that we'd already been to a lawyer and a health advocate and we'd already looked into all the programs that she'd mentioned and most could not help us... but she wouldn't let me. She continued to speak and say a whole lot of needless words.

There was a home health aid who came. She was supposed to be here for 2 hours but stayed only an hour after my father spit at her twice.

"Oh no no no... I don't get spat at. I'm sorry but I just don't get spat at" and then she left.

This world is crazy... these jobs are crazy... I mean these women actually get paid. They exhausted me more than my father has...

He was a devil today too. He spat at me several times... kicked and punched me... wouldn't let me clean or change him
My back hurts... my inner kevin hurts
I cried and yelled at my mother
I don't think Im even writing well anymore
i am lost
and it's only been 5 days