day 18

It's amazing how one day off can

heighten

the anxiety and difficulties of the next day on.

Thursday Tay was here. From wake up at 8AM to bed at 8PM she took care of everything. I was able to focus on my course... take a bath and read... eat when I was hungry... oh and sleep until 1030AM.
Today... no Tay... I woke up late... Dad punched and kicked... I broiled with anger... I forgot to do things... I couldn't study or produce any work... i was angry.

By about 4PM things began to calm down.
And although it ended a half horrible day
I really see...
it's actually better

It's not easy... but who wants easy?
Maybe if I had more time to devote to my course... i wouldn't devote so much time to my course?
Perhaps the true way to remain productive is to put yourself into a situation where you only have a little free time to be productive in because then I think... you make it productive.

What else can I write about? i don't want to be boring. I feel I should be telling yo more about the experience of caring for my father... but from diaper to diaper it doesn't change much.

Bubble became ill this night. She must have eaten something outside and she vomited about 8 times so far. I became frantic for her ... at the same time my mother called from the other room "KEVIN! your FATHER!"... because he was falling out of his chair... every time I repositioned him... the dog would then get sick again and it felt like every time I went to help Bubble... my father would begin to slide from his chair.