The subject of my play (which I will probably post tomorrow)
makes me think about myself
How lonely I am
and how lonely I often find myself in life
I always feel like... even when I am part of a group
that somehow I don't connect
even here... I am working hard
trying to help my Dad
but it seems when my sister.. my mother.. even my nieces interact with him
he loves it
but if I am involved... usually... he could care less.
i realized after writing it
that I am once again in that world
other people are all around me
but I am the only one
unattached
Part of my "theme" for this blog
is that I am a gay man
with a dog
and yet... if you erased that line
it would be more appropriate
when was the last time I felt gay?
dunno
It has been 4 years since my last relationship... almost 5
There are aspects about being alone which I like
no compromising
freedom
no distractions
but there are other aspects
that
basically
suck
especially when the only man really in your life
is your 75 year old father
with alzheimer disease
who punches and spits at you
and whose ass you have to clean
after bowel movements
which he finally had today
I feel like I shouldn't have written this
that it is self pitying and ridiculous
but I promised myself that I would be honest hear
and there is a true thing
I am trying to convey
can you see it?
or am I just unconnected to the world
even here in this blog?
well... at least you are connected to some of us around the world!
ReplyDeletethe 2 last big life choices you made (move to CZ/stay there, and then move back to take care of your dad) were obviously directed towards something else than getting into an intimate relationship. or am i wrong? so that must mean you have things in your life that you see as 1000 times more important. or am i wrong?
whatever. if your feeling right now is loneliness, then please receive my million hugs sent by airmail (fast). 1,000,000 should be enough for you to use as many as you feel like, every single day. doctors recommend you dont use more than one/hour though. please do not forget to order your second million in advance.
s.