day 36

Today a man who works with my sister and his father came.
They run a small business on the side.
Our house is 38 years old and it was built in the 70's when everything was ok... sure black leather chairs are ok... sure long uncombed hair is okay... sure really small doorways into bedrooms, okay.

We needed to widen the entrances into my father's room and bathroom.
We can barely fit the wheelchair through one
and not at all through the other.

They came and worked until almost 10pm. Dad stayed up much later tonight than usual because we couldn't put him to bed with saws and hammers going off.

While they were here I began several conversations with them.
And I realized, pathetically, that I haven't had any face to face real conversations that were not about bowel movements
or what to make for dinner
or whether or not we remembered to change my dad's socks.

I think I am becoming a bit of a hermit.
I haven't been out for almost 3 weeks.
i never comb my hair...
I always take a bath (every day... they calm me) but rarely worry much about actually seriously washing myself.
I just sort of steam and rinse.

Am I pathetic?
And guess what? I am going to go take a bath now.

Sorry not much interesting to write down tonight
no poems or stories
or even good thoughts.
I've said I was tired before
but Im a different sort of tired now
I feel old