day 34 small breakdown

okay. so things are not as great as they seem to be.
right now I am... tense, upset, anxious, on the verge of breakdown.. i think
Im ready to cry... ready to.... I am shaking. I can't relax.
I think Ive been sort of holding it all in to get things done.

I don't know what...
I look at myself in the mirror
I turn away as quick as I can
I don't want to see it
don't want to know it

at night hours go by and i
churn
think and churn
sink and yearn

right now I am listening to Katherine Hepburn
(basically the best American Actress in the History of Acting)
It's her biography that she reads on CD
(passed tense actually she died in 2000 I think at 93 or something)
She's been an empowerment for me
she was .... she broke through the fences of society
wore pants when most of America thought
a woman in pants was the bride of Satan.

She's cool
and maybe by telling you about her, I begin to melt
I begin to ease
(of course it may be the cough medicine I took about 20 minutes ago, as well)

Kate Hepburn died on a Friday.
On that Saturday and Sunday I gave a Katherine Hepburn Memorial Film Viewing
Movies played from about 6am on Sat
to about 3AM on Sunday.
Several people came and watched a film or two.
I watched every one (except "Bringing Up Baby at 6AM because I fell asleep again while watching it.)

I do feel better.
Thank you for being there blog
and all you out there who read it
I really appreciate your reading.
Thank you.