little bits of hope

We stayed at the hospital for about 2 and a half hours today.
My Dad breathed comfortably today.
When the nurse removed his oxygen mask to clean his face she said
"Doesn't that feel better?"
And my Dad said
"Yesssss."
It's the first thing he has said in about 4 weeks!
It sounded so... childlike and ghostlike at the same time.
It was sweet and eerie
It made me cry and shiver

He also coughed
which is a good thing as well

funny how a cough and a word define improvement

I promised to relay the story of my parents on their wedding day.
After the wedding and reception a friend of my father's offered to drive them home.
the got in the car... my parents in the back seat
both extremely nervous
this was 1962

On the way they got into an accident.
My father hurt (I think sprained) his arm
and my mother
hurt her nose.
In my fantasy my parents are rushed to the hospital
my father in a tux with his arm in a cast
and my mother in her white wedding gown
in a wheelchair
with a cast on her nose
(this didn't happen by the way... they'd already changed before they'd got into the car... and no one actually broke anything)

My mother looked at me today and said

"I don't know what I'm going to do without your father"

I didn't know what to say... what I thought was... maybe we could drive across the country and see the Grand Canyon
or
maybe you could travel to Italy again
or
see a movie
or
do any of the stuff you always wanted to do but couldn't for the last few years because Dad has needed so much help.

I couldn't say these things to her... I don't think she's ready to think about it.
So I just held her hand.

This is a strange period of life
this limbo time
like the dance
except you keep going under the limbo stick
keep arching your back
closer and closer to the floor
almost falling backwards
straining all your abdomen muscles
but never fulling getting past the stick
it's still there above your nose
time slows down more and more
can you make it?
will you have a chance to go around for one more try?