an emailed conversation

Here is a recent exchange of emails between myself and a good Italian friend
it may explain why I haven't been able to write much later
I am sorry and feel like somehow I am failing... i think I removed al the email addresses except my own... hope its okay to post these.... they go in reverse order so you may want to start at the bottom...


no, i've never, to be honest...
You told me that your relationship with your dad had had ups and downs, that's why i liked what you said about him when we last saw. I think you can be proud of yourself..
As for me, I know too that things will improve when away from home - just a matter of time.
So, little bird, fly away again, you were not made for nesting - let's hope the west wind will take you over here soon. I think of you. bacio
m

--- Mar 11/1/11, Kevin Smith ha scritto:

Da: Kevin Smith
Oggetto: Re: R: hmm

Data: Martedì 11 gennaio 2011, 17:13

I just had a horrible experience trying to speak Italian on the phone with my cousin Luisa. (do you remember her? (we stayed with her in Norcia).
Michele... I was awful... I couldn't say anything. Any knack for the Italian language that I once possessed has somehow vanished.
I get this cold feeling lately. There is not enough time for life in a lifetime.
What happened to the boy who diligently studied Italian everyday? who read Il Barone Rampante (of course it took me about 6 months) cover to cover and understood most of it. What you say about my words for my father... I hope that is not trying to reference your own relationship with yours. I had a very difficult time with my dad for quite a long period. My father became very jealous of me... my relationship with my mother... my freedom... even my ability to read and go to school. (something he always wanted but couldn't do because he had terrible dislexia(spelling??)).
I was also not the perfect son and rarely gave my father the benefit of the doubt. Once I moved out though... things really changed. He became more interested in my life... we started to grow a respect for each other... WE STARTED TO TALK!
I don't know what to do now, Michele
I don't know where to go from here? Do I go back?
i can't think properly. I am a bit terrified.
Not one friend of mine showed up at the funeral... because most of them live far away
I feel "out on a limb"
surrounded by nothing but air
the only connection a thin branch
whos trail back toward the big trunk
is twisted and unreadable

i don't know
Have you ever seen me as a little lost bird?

K


--- On Mon, 1/10/11, wrote:


Subject: R: hmm
To: "Kevin Smith"
Date: Monday, January 10, 2011, 1:36 PM

hi kev
there's little i can say..just believe - how cold i feel after reading your email, knowing that i can't hug you as i would like -that we have, indeed, been closer. My prayer as well as my most tender thoughts are for you, though, and for what you still mean to me. The few words you told me last time about your dad, their sad but loving irony..i'll never forget, they sounded as quite an example of how should a son behave, or just think.
I'm glad you decided to write me, and hope you will always. Will 2011 surprise us?
un bacio, e un lungo abbraccio
m

--- Ven 7/1/11, Kevin Smith ha scritto:

Da: Kevin Smith
Oggetto: hmm

Data: Venerdì 7 gennaio 2011, 05:29

I didn't know whether to write to you or not
you knew me and know me
but you never knew my father
he died on Tuesday
I guess... well its something you tell your friends isnt it?
I wish we were closer than we are
I hope you are well.
I hope wonderful things happen to you this year.

Kevin