literature

I have read a story by a half Chippewa woman. It's called Lipsha Morrissey and there is a moment in the book where a young man faces the death of his grandfather and has this enlightenment,

"Your life feels different on you, once you greet death and understand your heart's position. You wear your life like a garment from the mission bundle sale ever after-lightly because you realize you never paid nothing for it, cherishing because you know you won't ever come by such a bargain again."

For christmas my sister purchased a year's worth of Neflix for my Mom. My mom is a bit ... culture clueless so I ordered her first film for her. I ordered the film THE BUCKET LIST. I knew that the theme of death ran through it... but it had been marketed as a comedy... and with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson... could you go wrong with that?
This film is NO comedy... the moments which are supposed to be the funny bits appear after about 1 hour of watching the two actors struggle through a hospital stay and months of kimotherapy (i have no idea how to spell this but I suspect that che... may be more correct than ki)... the funny bits take all of 3 minutes (and aren't very funny) and then the 2 characters become ill again.
THIS WAS NOT THE FILM TO SHOW MY MOTHER
I was angry... at myself and at marketing companies

will this veil of death-
which seems to have been blown
from a far place
lifting on wind
dancing through air
and lightly fallen atop
our heads-
ever be blown away again

how strong a breath must be
to relift the kitelike veil
send it south or westaward
away
and we
again veiless
feel the true touch
of magic life
around us



Dad breaths at about 51 intakes of breath a minute
the average person breaths about 20 to 25... at rest maybe less
even after receiving morphine
lately
Dad still breathes at about 35 to 40
It may be because his lungs are too full
and to obtain enough air
his body hastily
expands and contracts
like after running up
5 flights of stairs

Just for a minute
give it a try
breath double quickly
for a full minute
right now as you read this

how did it feel?

I do it now as I type
I feel frenzied
and get dizzy and almost forget to breathe at all
I have to force myself to continue
and I canr really concentrate on the worsx I want to t write i write faster ato macth my frenxzied bretah I know i make mistakes I can't even handle the feelijng anymore i want to stop and mt my dad must go through this for hourts after only 30 secnds

I stopped. My mind... agonized to stay focused
even now my throbbing head fights to return
to its normal semblance
this was 1 minute of time
one minute of my life
and I feel the repercussions of it long after the experience.
He breathes rapidly all day long
through the night
while he sleeps or wakes

his limbs swell from lack of movement

his eyes bulge open and fear all they connect with

a movement of his legs from left to right
causes him great pain.

how does he exist?
and yet he exists
in this constant state

he is brave