drugs

Sorry I wasn't able to post yesterday
yesterday many people arrived to "view" my father

we (my sister and her family, my mom and I) arrived at the funeral home about 3:45
we had chosen many photos and photo albums to bring with us
the photos got arranged around the room
my sister mother and I approached the casket
this maybe was the most difficult moment for my Mom all day
there were several flowers
some ordered by us
and others purchased by family members and friends
my favorite of these
was a garland of white roses
which... sort of... drapes along the coffin beside my fathers body

In these situations I don't...
Ive decided that this body is not my father
It doesn't really look like him (do they ever?)
It certainly doesn't act like him
it isn't him
he is gone

The pictures were cool. so many
from toddler years to just a few months ago

Later I'l write about the service today
tomorrow Ill write a little about my father one last time
then... maybe... Ill stop writing
I don't know how I feel about that
this blog has been a real outlet
like a drug