I haven't written much in a long time.
I am in a weird place
I thin the blog is complete
i don't want to think much anymore

I am not quite sure what to do with my life

any suggestions?

I don't know really what else to say about all this

Dad left his job at the rubber company after 35 years.
He became a landscape artist which he loved doing
he worked until he was 60
and then retired.

After both my parents retired, I took them to Italy with me...
well ... they paid... but I guided

I remember, we had a hotel 1 block form the entrance to the Vatican
but my mother never knew when to get off the subway

I kept asking her
Me: Who do we live next to ?

Mom: I don't know...

Me: We live next to the Pope

Mom: Oh, yeah...

Me: where does the Pope live?

Mom: In Rome?

Me: oh mommy

One night, in Florence... dad drank 3 straight vodkas.
He was toasted
really ripped.
He could barely walk after it.
While trying to find a taxi... he staggered along
every time someone would walk by him
he'd stop them
put out his hand to shake their's
and say
Hi! My name in Ken. I'm American...

Oh daddy...

My parents bought gold in Florence
ate pizza in Rome
rode a gondola in Venice
cute cute cute

It was the night of the three vodkas that I began to notice a difference in dad.
That was about 8 years ago?
He could drink my dad... that was the first time I'd ever seen him so drunk he couldn't walk

as he sobered up, he told mom and me about his parents
one night his father came home very angry
he walked up to his mother and slapped her hard across the face
YOU WHORE he called at her
YOU CHEATING WHORE
and he slapped her again
Grandpa had found condoms hidden in the garage.
He suspected his wife was cheating on him (apparently he'd always been jealous)

In Rome my dad cried telling us the story
because he was there when his father hit his mom
and
My dad also knew whose condoms they were
They were his brother's condoms
but my father was to scared to say anything
so he blamed himself for his mother's pain

but it was odd as well... he... didn't seem like dad
telling us a story
I don't know how to explain
but I think that Alzheimer
was already... making its entrance

My parents were married in 1962.
My sister as born in 63
my father wanted 6 kids
but it took almost 5 years to have me
by that time... I guess my sister took a lot out of them

They did foster a boy named Greg.
I was only a baby so I never knew him.
His baby brother dies and his mom needed some help
so the church asked if Mom and Dad would watch Greg for a while...
they agreed.

I remember later
hearing about this
and trying to reconcile my idea of my father
with the man who fostered a young boy
...
It was odd to me since
there was real... what is it? Oedipal complex?
I think that my father and I
loved my mother so much
we were both jealous of the love she gave the other
and of course
me being the helpless little boy
my mother's attention was often on me
In my youth my father went from being
the guy who wrestled me and made me giggle
and swung me around in the air to make me laugh
to
something like an enemy
who I was certain did not love me

my mother of course
would tell me
"your father loves you, he just can't show it...
no he doesn't id say with my face in her arms

My sister was his pride
rightfully so
She rode horses
and liked it
I rode
and wished I could be in my room
playing with Star Wars action figures and my model of the Death Star
or reading books like
Watership Down
Riding didn't last long for me

meeting mom

I told you that Dad got engaged to a woman
she said yes
but the next day
her father said no?

I think that I did...

He was about... 25 when his parents sold a small corner deli that they owned and moved to a new street
on that same street, right across from their new home
lived my Aunt J (mom's sister) and uncle J

every now and then
my mom would visit aunt and uncle J

every now and then
Dad would see my mom across the street

mom would smile (but NEVER wave)
It was the late 50's
early 60s

so you could just imagine that suburban street
my mom wearing (not a wig exactly) a sort of hair piece on her head
my Dad's hair slicked back
my mom's perfectly styled and hairsprayed

After a while my Dad called Uncle J
asked him about my Mom
Uncle J called my Mom and told her
he'd set up a blind date for her

It wasn't truly blind
she had smiled quite a few times at him
exchanged small talk on walks
my mom said yes

On the day of the date, my mother was very excited.
She'd be talking to Aunt E. on the phone when the doorbell rang.
She lived with her parents and Aunt M. with Aunt M's family as well.
My two cousins... then small boys... ran to answer the door.
When they opened the door and saw my dad
they screamed and ran away
my dad stood there, not knowing what to do
after a while he entered the house by himself

It didn't take long
3 months later they were engaged.
My mother's Uncle R wanted to meet my dad before he'd let my mother marry
Uncle R was a real Italian
everyone told my father how serious Uncle R's inspection would be
Uncle R wasn't so happy that my mom was going to marry a non Italian.
Uncle R lived in West Virginia
he made a special trip up to meet my dad
While dad was waiting for Uncle R to arrive at my Mom's house one weekend...
he was sweating
it seemed so serious to him

Uncle R arrived
and my Dad just started laughing
Uncle R was about 5 feet tall
with a big smile

school and work

I've told you that dad had dyslexia
school and reading brought up
frustration

How did he do it?
Cruel children made terrible fun of him (it didn't help that he had bright red hair)
Every day after school his parents made him study with Aunt E
who was a school teacher.

Aunt E had been a Smith
when she married a Woodward
My grandmother was a Woodward first
until she married a Smith

In fact there were 4 Smith children who married 4 Woodwards
so my Dad's Aunts and Uncles were sort of doubled

at 16, as soon as possible, my dad quit school
he began to work at a rubber company
what exactly did he do?
he used to tell me that he maid joints
no... not the marijuana kind
but something to do with rubber for conveyor belts
He got dirty
smelled a lot
His hands always bore black stains
I don't think he liked the job much
but that's where he met Mr. Sayens
and in those Days he grew his hair into a big orange afro
and al the African Americans he worked with
called him uncle.

We met a few of the guys he worked with at the rubber company at the funeral
It was a tight group
lots of friends there.

CHILDHOOD

My father was born the youngest of 6 children.
He said his mother called him "a change of life baby".
Dad surprised my grandparents. They were in their 40s when he was born.
This meant Dad's grew up in a different world from his brothers and sisters.
Later this led to jealousy... misunderstanding... generational gaps
but also to good things
A lot of support
including Aunt A
who took more of a mothering role for Dad
and became a grandmother to me and my sister.
Farms inhabited my father's life
they formed him to.
He loved fresh vegetables
anything with a crunch.
As a boy he helped his parents run a farm stand
they sold corn and cantaloupe and lots of other stuff besides
but corn and cantaloupe were their pride.

Dad's mom baked cakes every day (what a time!)
She'd lay the cake out on the table
and as the day ambled forward
she'd cut a piece for the postman
a piece for the milkman
for the iceman (to live in a time when a man delivered blocks of ice from door to door!)
etc.

It aggravated dad to watch that cake slowly disappear
unable for him to come near
to it

They raised horses as well.
Now, where the family barn stood, stands a McDonalds and a bank.
A road he rode down from his town to a town called Princeton
In his memory once a dirt road
is now a 4 lane road
rampant with traffic
choked with strip malls and mall malls
laden with traffic signals
bordered by housing developments

arriving in Princeton there'd be a farm on the left
you could let your horse out into its pasture
if you paid a bit of money (a parking lot for horses!)
and then walk into town.

many years later
Dad would work as a landscaper in the town of Princeton
he'd drive
and he'd cut grass
on lawns where once
he'd rode his horse

My Dad excelled at the Yoyo
he won some sort of county or state competition

he used to want to show us what we could do
when I finally got interested in this talent he possessed
he couldn't do it anymore
isn't that life?

My Dad had bright orange hair
summer sky blue eyes
a smile as wide as the horses
he'd ride.

When my father started to ride professionally
Saddlehorse I think it was called?
He had a shiny silver saddle
silver all over the reins as well
He'd be dressed in a suit
that looked like the American flag
A white suit
with blue and red sequence
in ordered rows on the back
and formed into stars on the front
with his hair and his eyes
he looked like fireworks

Its difficult to write every day now.
when Dad was home and even when he was at the hospital
I needed the blog
i yearned for it
throughout the day i'd think
remember this... this is something i should write in the blog

now i feel differently
although i did have a sort of dream last night
my father's life
i think it was kinda cool...

so im going to devote this blog to him.
i'm not sure how i am going to begin... but i'll try this:



April 10th 1935

The only thing which seems to have happened on the day my father was born is this:

- Vaughan Williams' 4th Symphony premieres in London

Here are somethings that were happening throughout the year of my father's birth
1935

- 1st radio tube made of metal announced, Schenectady, NY
(my dad told me his family used to listen to the radio every day.)
- Mary Hirsch, becomes 1st woman licensed as a horse trainer
(my father instantly loved you if you were a horse person.)
- Sir Watson-Watt patents RADAR
(Think about all the astounding things that have happened in my Dad's life!)
- Works Progress Administration approved by Congress
(my Aunt used to be enormously frugal. She was 20 when Dad was born. Our country was deep in the depression)
- "Your Hit Parade," debuts on radio
- Germany prohibits publishing "not-Arian" writers
- Polish Constitution of 1935 is adopted.
(for all my Czech friends)
- Moscow underground opens (81 km long)

When Dad exploded into this world
what a time
his transition
worlds transformation