day 21

I spent most of the day citing and referencing my first university paper in 20 years.
Things have changed (and I think I wrote all of three term papers back then. I got a degree in theatre!)
it took hours to put all the information in the right place and in the correct presentation.

and i am not even sure that I am right.

But i will submit it soon and bear with the consequences. I tried damned hard at least. Does anyone know APA?

I gave my father the finger today.
I don't even remember why.
He can be so nasty
and it's hard not to react to that as his son.

I don't smile at him much anymore
I think that is bad because he will begin to associate me with a bad mood
and whenever he sees me he'll automatically get angry

but I can't help it... maybe I could... but I can't find what I need in the moment that I need it.
Here in my blog I can say

"tomorrow will be different. I will smile and accept all he dies and gently and silently take care of him."

But I don't remember this the moment I try to help him change pants and he hits me
or spits at me...

The spitting is the worst,
it reminds me of a low budget exorcist
or something