call

the phone rang
I answered
It's the hospice nurse
she told me
she doesn't think Dad will last the night
he is cold to touch
his breathing is very labored
his feet are turning purple

we live so damned far away
she's not sure if he will last an hour

I had to tell my mom
that was hard
my heart raced
my mind flitted around like a moth
i couldn't look her in the eye

she surprises me
she listened to all I said
and she said
"Oh. Okay..."
I started to cry
she held me
said I love you

We can't even be sure it will happen tonight
so many people have told us so many different things

but i have to go
I MUST

Mom is not sure she wants to
I NEED to
I want to
i have to

my sister called me back
told me she's coming with me

please pray or whatever for...
not for him to live
but just

pray
take a few moments of silent reflection
on anything

Ill fill you in later
when I get back to my MAC