Dad comes home tomorrow at 2pm.
I will be feeding him using a can of liquid food.
He has a peg attached to his stomach through his abdomen.
The peg is a plastic tube.
A nub seals the tube's top.
I bend the top of the tube (so that the contents of Dad's stomach do not siphon out.
I remove the nub and insert a large empty syringe.
I release the tube
I pull back on the syringe allowing the stomach contents to enter the basin of the syringe.
I measure the contents 0-40 ccs = ready to dine
40-60 ccs = just a snack
over 60 ccs = no room in stomach. I actually don't know what then happens to the stuff in the tube? I guess I return it to the stomach?
I then remove the back part of the syringe
hold it up in the air
and pour the liquid contents of the can
into the syringe
which acts like a funnel
and feeds my father's belly.
After the can is emptied
I must flush the tube with water
This, I guess is my father's drink.
I rebend the tube
I extract the syringe, replace the nub
and clean everything up...
that's the meal
4 times a day
no more food wars
no more whispered "more"s
no more clenched spoons
no more delighted "mmhms"
Huge moments in a man's life should include the moment he is no longer able to eat
puberty
diploma
marriage
children
I think this is big. Can you all... just for a moment... while you read my words
think about
the blessing that food
eating...chewing...swallowing
the textures
tastes
bitters and sweets and saltys
the quenchings
the tickle of wines
the rough throat smash of liquor
the delight tingling chocolately joys
the herbs and spices
mint and licoriches
sage and basilly paprikaishes
the crunch of fresh
and the cheesy baths
these... they are LIFE
What is left without them...?
The nurse told me... the only side effect that the peg feeding causes
is a loss of taste...
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
day 55
I am a bit depressed lately.
I embed myself into work.
Whether it is school
or
my father
when I have a free moment.. an I think... I'll do something fun!
a loooong interval descends
and nothing that I imagine
reading a good fantasy book
playing a video game
taking a walk
cooking a meal
talking to a friend
writing
taking a bath!
watching a good film
seems interesting.
And if I do think of something I'd like to do
Today I wanted to see the film Black Swan
this looks good
even though I have disliked everything that Natalie Portman has done since "The Professional"
I think this film will really
do something for me
I love a good psychological... horrorish drama
But the film
although released last Friday
is playing nowhere in NJ
until Dec. 17th
defeated.
What do I do?
I play with Bubble
I go to pogo.com and play scrabble
I read more for class
it sucks because Dad will return soon
and then Ill have little free time
I am really sad. I came home for a good reason
but I am slipping away because of it
I am not made for this American life
I miss The Czech Republic
and I miss Italy and France
and Japan
I embed myself into work.
Whether it is school
or
my father
when I have a free moment.. an I think... I'll do something fun!
a loooong interval descends
and nothing that I imagine
reading a good fantasy book
playing a video game
taking a walk
cooking a meal
talking to a friend
writing
taking a bath!
watching a good film
seems interesting.
And if I do think of something I'd like to do
Today I wanted to see the film Black Swan
this looks good
even though I have disliked everything that Natalie Portman has done since "The Professional"
I think this film will really
do something for me
I love a good psychological... horrorish drama
But the film
although released last Friday
is playing nowhere in NJ
until Dec. 17th
defeated.
What do I do?
I play with Bubble
I go to pogo.com and play scrabble
I read more for class
it sucks because Dad will return soon
and then Ill have little free time
I am really sad. I came home for a good reason
but I am slipping away because of it
I am not made for this American life
I miss The Czech Republic
and I miss Italy and France
and Japan
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Day 54 a health comparison
I visited Dad twice today. Alone.
In the morning I found him pretty awake...
he said, "Do I know you?"
I said, "Yes, it's Kevin."
His neck has... sort of fused to one side.
The doctor visited and told me that it was parkenson's disease which did it.
Dad's neurologist told us that he didn't have parkenson's
ahh the American medical system.
When I was in the Czech Republic I had a... how honest should I be here?
A ... infection? in... an unspeakable part of my body
I went to the hospital at about 9am
had the operation ...
this is what happened at about 11:30am
I was rolled into the operating room (yes only 1 and a half hours after I got to the hospital)
A Czech nurse with a big needle said, " Zrchtrysky Krchkurova?" If you are Czech you will know that it meant to me what it means to you... absolutely nothing! I said, "I don't understand."
she replied, "Crkovaa slivone"
and then I woke up 2 hours later
procedure complete.
I was home by four.
It cost me absolutely nothing.
Now, there is a health system for you!
I went ice-skating with my nieces after visiting Dad. And then with my nieces visited him again.
Younger niece helped me with the leg exercises... which amount to taking one of his legs at the ankle and gently lifting and lowering it about 100 times.
I don't know what else to do
no one in the hospital has any advice
yes... that's why we pay about 8000 dollars a day for hospital care
and that's why it's the best in the world!
This blog just gets more and more depressing as we move along doesn't it.
In the morning I found him pretty awake...
he said, "Do I know you?"
I said, "Yes, it's Kevin."
His neck has... sort of fused to one side.
The doctor visited and told me that it was parkenson's disease which did it.
Dad's neurologist told us that he didn't have parkenson's
ahh the American medical system.
When I was in the Czech Republic I had a... how honest should I be here?
A ... infection? in... an unspeakable part of my body
I went to the hospital at about 9am
had the operation ...
this is what happened at about 11:30am
I was rolled into the operating room (yes only 1 and a half hours after I got to the hospital)
A Czech nurse with a big needle said, " Zrchtrysky Krchkurova?" If you are Czech you will know that it meant to me what it means to you... absolutely nothing! I said, "I don't understand."
she replied, "Crkovaa slivone"
and then I woke up 2 hours later
procedure complete.
I was home by four.
It cost me absolutely nothing.
Now, there is a health system for you!
I went ice-skating with my nieces after visiting Dad. And then with my nieces visited him again.
Younger niece helped me with the leg exercises... which amount to taking one of his legs at the ankle and gently lifting and lowering it about 100 times.
I don't know what else to do
no one in the hospital has any advice
yes... that's why we pay about 8000 dollars a day for hospital care
and that's why it's the best in the world!
This blog just gets more and more depressing as we move along doesn't it.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
day 53
I am going to share a quote with you
it's something I've thought about in life recently
and I was surprised to find it
having been said about 150 years ago
by Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The corruption of man is followed by the corruption of language."
What do you think about it?
Is it still true today
and
if so
are we already corrupt?
Dad requires a lot of attention
stretching out his legs for 1 hour everyday will not be enough
I was very happy when I discovered, today, that I can do leg exercises with him
and read at the same time!
I first asked my mother if she would read the introduction to my Anthology of Hispanic American Literature text
she looked at me with sleepy eyes
and said... "I can't do that."
(The last book I saw her read was Sydney Sheldon's "The Other Side of Midnight" in the year it was published ... which I think was.. maybe... 74)
So with one hand, I continually raised and lowered my father's leg and with the other, I flipped through the first 11 pages of the text. My mother... fell asleep.
I am very tired.
it's something I've thought about in life recently
and I was surprised to find it
having been said about 150 years ago
by Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The corruption of man is followed by the corruption of language."
What do you think about it?
Is it still true today
and
if so
are we already corrupt?
Dad requires a lot of attention
stretching out his legs for 1 hour everyday will not be enough
I was very happy when I discovered, today, that I can do leg exercises with him
and read at the same time!
I first asked my mother if she would read the introduction to my Anthology of Hispanic American Literature text
she looked at me with sleepy eyes
and said... "I can't do that."
(The last book I saw her read was Sydney Sheldon's "The Other Side of Midnight" in the year it was published ... which I think was.. maybe... 74)
So with one hand, I continually raised and lowered my father's leg and with the other, I flipped through the first 11 pages of the text. My mother... fell asleep.
I am very tired.
day 52 reflections in steamy water
I think I forgot to post yesterday
It could be because I dedicated the day to finishing my next paper.
Its very hot here... I mean in the house
outside its getting colder... but my mom feels the need to keep the house warm.
It's a strange house. The kitchen and den (where mom spends most of her time) are on the north side of the house
the bedrooms (where I am most often in front of my computer) are on the south side.
The sun does a good job warming the south side but does very little on the other end of the house.
So Mom cranks up the heat (I agree that the Den is way to cold in winter)
The sun plus the heater in my room
makes it boil
Its like a Japanese Onsen
without the water
Japanese Onsen are great!
You go in and have to immediately remove your clothing
You then join everyone else in this line of shower heads... but they are on the floor not the wall
here you must shower... there is free shampoo and soap!
You have to be clean before you can enter the Onsen. The Japanese are very fastidious about this. You get this feeling that if you don't thoroughly clean yourself an angry mob of naked pristine men will kick you out (and then wash their feet again to get rid of the contamination when their foot hit your rump)
Afterward the world of the Onsen is a magic place.
Various shaped Pools of water lie about. Some have whirlpools, some are silent and still. Some are in intimate corners of the house... where groups of 2 to 4 people relax in the steam and talk... some are deep wide more public pools... It's noisier here.
There are interesting rooms for strange purposes... in one you must rub salt all over your body and then remain in the room for about 15 minutes and sweat. Its very hot in these rooms and you feel almost like you will vomit by the end... but it's also wonderful and in another way feels really good.
Some pools are outside... I like these the best. In the fall at night... the air is crisp and cool but you lie in a steaming bath and look up at the stars... if you are lucky you may be the only one there in this vast tub of water able to just exist in the nighttime... naked... warm and cool...
The Onsen are open every day all year long.
Every town has at least one.
It is one of the reasons why a trip to Japan is worth it... and one of the things that made living in Japan bearable.
I'll write another later...
still waiting for Dad to return.
Ill give you an update after I visit him today.
It could be because I dedicated the day to finishing my next paper.
Its very hot here... I mean in the house
outside its getting colder... but my mom feels the need to keep the house warm.
It's a strange house. The kitchen and den (where mom spends most of her time) are on the north side of the house
the bedrooms (where I am most often in front of my computer) are on the south side.
The sun does a good job warming the south side but does very little on the other end of the house.
So Mom cranks up the heat (I agree that the Den is way to cold in winter)
The sun plus the heater in my room
makes it boil
Its like a Japanese Onsen
without the water
Japanese Onsen are great!
You go in and have to immediately remove your clothing
You then join everyone else in this line of shower heads... but they are on the floor not the wall
here you must shower... there is free shampoo and soap!
You have to be clean before you can enter the Onsen. The Japanese are very fastidious about this. You get this feeling that if you don't thoroughly clean yourself an angry mob of naked pristine men will kick you out (and then wash their feet again to get rid of the contamination when their foot hit your rump)
Afterward the world of the Onsen is a magic place.
Various shaped Pools of water lie about. Some have whirlpools, some are silent and still. Some are in intimate corners of the house... where groups of 2 to 4 people relax in the steam and talk... some are deep wide more public pools... It's noisier here.
There are interesting rooms for strange purposes... in one you must rub salt all over your body and then remain in the room for about 15 minutes and sweat. Its very hot in these rooms and you feel almost like you will vomit by the end... but it's also wonderful and in another way feels really good.
Some pools are outside... I like these the best. In the fall at night... the air is crisp and cool but you lie in a steaming bath and look up at the stars... if you are lucky you may be the only one there in this vast tub of water able to just exist in the nighttime... naked... warm and cool...
The Onsen are open every day all year long.
Every town has at least one.
It is one of the reasons why a trip to Japan is worth it... and one of the things that made living in Japan bearable.
I'll write another later...
still waiting for Dad to return.
Ill give you an update after I visit him today.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
day 51
All that is in my head right now is Washington Irving's Rip Van Winkle... and the fact that I hate online scrabble.
The house is empty without my father.
We saw him today after his "operation"
He seemed peaceful.
Oh! The student nurse met me in the elevator.
She told me she washed him this morning... and made certain that his legs were stretched out!
Sure enough they were.
I love her now.
I am sad that my father will probably not eat normally again. but... maybe it's a little good as well?
He can no longer get food in his lungs...
no more spoon wars
no more 2 hour lunches
I am not certain what to write about anymore. I want to continue this blog for a year... but... what do I write?!
The house is empty without my father.
We saw him today after his "operation"
He seemed peaceful.
Oh! The student nurse met me in the elevator.
She told me she washed him this morning... and made certain that his legs were stretched out!
Sure enough they were.
I love her now.
I am sad that my father will probably not eat normally again. but... maybe it's a little good as well?
He can no longer get food in his lungs...
no more spoon wars
no more 2 hour lunches
I am not certain what to write about anymore. I want to continue this blog for a year... but... what do I write?!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
day 50
can't sleep
Dad's getting a tube inserted through his abdomen and into his stomach
tomorrow
h was awake with us today for a few minutes
almost seemed like the same dad
i worked on his legs for an hour
and the a very nice student nurse came in
she said she'd been working with him
and she wanted to check in before she left
She looked at him lying on the bed and said
"How did you get his legs like this?! I thought he was contracted?"
I freaked out
since my Dad went to the hospital
he likes to lay in a sort of fetal position
when I said to 1 nurse
"is it ok if I stretch out his legs?"
"Oh NO! she said. His legs are contracted
"Contracted?" I asked, "What do you mean."
"Oh. We'd have to break his legs to get them straight at this point."
"At this point? What do you mean."
"His legs have been in this position too long"
"But... I am his son. 5 days ago he was standing in the kitchen."
"He was?" blink...blink
Turns out... Dad is NOT contracted. They just assumed this because he's wanting to lye in this certain position.
BUT I HAVE TOLS ABOUT 10 PEOPLE at the hospital
BEGGED them to every now and then stretch out his legs...
and yet... 2 weeks later... everyone still thinks he's contracted
so I got really upset with this nurse... she went to get another nurse to help her move my dad around a little (I stretched out his legs and they were sort of hanging over the side)
The new nurse (who is a nurse Ive spoken with dad about) came into the room
looked at dad and said
"How are his legs straight? He's suposed to be contracted!"
I almost killed her... I swear... I was like Shirley McClean in Terms of Endearment
The hospital is INSANE
every ten minutes a new person comes in to do something different
they all have individual jobs
blood presssure man
fever woman
food change woman
breathing apparatus man
NONE OF THEM KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY FATHER
they wonder why he doesn't respond when they say hello
I say... He has alzheimer disease... OH they say
All these people are getting paid
And NONE of them know about my dad?
What makes me very angry about the whole thing is
If I hadn't been an ass
Dad's legs may very well have become contracted
and then they would have had to break his legs
if we ever wanted him to stand again
all because 100s of people enter the room to "help" my Dad
but 0 people know about him
and 0 people care
It is a HOSPITAL
they should be telling ME to be careful that my Dad's legs do not contract!
They should be DOCUMENTING and READING the documentation
every m-fing one of them
Dad's getting a tube inserted through his abdomen and into his stomach
tomorrow
h was awake with us today for a few minutes
almost seemed like the same dad
i worked on his legs for an hour
and the a very nice student nurse came in
she said she'd been working with him
and she wanted to check in before she left
She looked at him lying on the bed and said
"How did you get his legs like this?! I thought he was contracted?"
I freaked out
since my Dad went to the hospital
he likes to lay in a sort of fetal position
when I said to 1 nurse
"is it ok if I stretch out his legs?"
"Oh NO! she said. His legs are contracted
"Contracted?" I asked, "What do you mean."
"Oh. We'd have to break his legs to get them straight at this point."
"At this point? What do you mean."
"His legs have been in this position too long"
"But... I am his son. 5 days ago he was standing in the kitchen."
"He was?" blink...blink
Turns out... Dad is NOT contracted. They just assumed this because he's wanting to lye in this certain position.
BUT I HAVE TOLS ABOUT 10 PEOPLE at the hospital
BEGGED them to every now and then stretch out his legs...
and yet... 2 weeks later... everyone still thinks he's contracted
so I got really upset with this nurse... she went to get another nurse to help her move my dad around a little (I stretched out his legs and they were sort of hanging over the side)
The new nurse (who is a nurse Ive spoken with dad about) came into the room
looked at dad and said
"How are his legs straight? He's suposed to be contracted!"
I almost killed her... I swear... I was like Shirley McClean in Terms of Endearment
The hospital is INSANE
every ten minutes a new person comes in to do something different
they all have individual jobs
blood presssure man
fever woman
food change woman
breathing apparatus man
NONE OF THEM KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY FATHER
they wonder why he doesn't respond when they say hello
I say... He has alzheimer disease... OH they say
All these people are getting paid
And NONE of them know about my dad?
What makes me very angry about the whole thing is
If I hadn't been an ass
Dad's legs may very well have become contracted
and then they would have had to break his legs
if we ever wanted him to stand again
all because 100s of people enter the room to "help" my Dad
but 0 people know about him
and 0 people care
It is a HOSPITAL
they should be telling ME to be careful that my Dad's legs do not contract!
They should be DOCUMENTING and READING the documentation
every m-fing one of them
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